"A smoking gun in hand, now dont you realize what you've done?"

To S:
Wow. I wonder how your mind works, where you think its ok to talk to people the way you do, and not expect there to be reprocussions. I've been more of a friend to you then you will ever be able to fully appreciate. Think back to the winter of 08. All those rides 2 DP? All the gas money you never gave me? You used me as a chuaffer. Sure plans were made to stay local some nights. But no matter what we ended up at J's place. I have nothing against him. He's fucking awesome.

You dont get your way and your throw a fucking temper tantrum. You know full well my phone doesnt work at my work. I dont pick up and you go into a little bitch-fit. You think I accept your apology for hurting me the first time gives you a free pass to being buddy-buddies. Think again asshole. You gotta make an effort to make things right. Dont apologize and expect me not to tell you to go fuck yourself when you joke about something that you know pisses me off.

Fuck it. Your a waste of my damn time. Im not dealing with your head games.

Happy New Year Bitches!!!

Im late with this I know. Not that anybody reads this blog to begin with.

Im over the C bullshit. I've purged him from my life and my computer.

My friends have been amazing.

CO has helped me in more ways then she will ever know. I wish the best for her and her husband and pray to "any higher power that'll still listen to me"(Tucker Max) that they be blessed with the child they deserve.
S, even with all his dramatics he's kept thing interesting. Thats for damn sure. I hope he gets himself where he needs to be so he can be successful.
J, big gay J. He's been phenomenal. A bunch of fun. He's loud and cheerful and manages to make me smile when Im at my worst.
CD, we've been best friends for the longest time. I cant fucking wait for your wedding girl!!! I do apologize in advance if i over indulge on the alcohol. I will try my hardest to not be obnoxious.

Keeps gettin better

No actually it doesnt.

Crappy late thanksgiving.

I've been broken hearted once again. C.I love him more then I can stand but I dont think he loves me. There's another girl and I waited to long to confess I was never really over him. Now he's in to deep and wont hurt her. I feel absolutely fucking crushed. Why the fuck cant I be loved? I try to be positive and upbeat but i keep getting burned. I dont think I can keep doing this. Im not even looking for sex anymore. I just want someone to hold me and make me feel special.

Where is the love?

Finally free...(almost)

So I changed my cell # yesterday. And J is apparently pestering my gays for the new digits. He has even gone so far as to look up my house number. Of course i didnt answer it and thank god for the generic voicemail greeting with no names in it. I told them to say they dont have my number. S is an idiot and was honest but told him he couldnt give it out. Now J is pestering him for it. In some ways i feel bad that S got dragged into it but in other ways I dont feel bad because if he had just told him what i told him to it would be ok.

More conversations with E in the past few days. I do love that boy. :)

And it just gets wierder

Im tired of people. Yep I give up on the human race.

I told J i was tired of his shit he needs to leave me alone and stop calling me. He of course is an idiot and doesnt get the message. I've tried being nice and it doesnt work. I've tried being rude and that doesnt work. Im running out of options here. I just dont feel an attraction to him. Simple as that. I thought i would grow to like him but I dont.

S is another moron. He calls and asks for advice, then doesnt follow it. Then he wonders why I get pissed off when he asks for more. My gays are misbehaving and Im displeased. Im tired of being their marriage counciler.

I want a full time job NOW!!! Im tired of my boss and her shit. I need change.

I've been in touch with E recently :D. I saw him walking to the tech building at school but im to chicken shit to ditch my friend on the phone to make my presence known. I texted him and he said he missed me. Then on friday we were texting and he said he'd rather be with me then in school right then. I told him I'd like that. If I see him tomorrow I'll make myself known. :)

Happy late halloween

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

Thats what I want to do. More specifically I want to scream at the top of my lungs until my voice gives or i pass out. Although a good fucking would probably ease my frazzled nerves. I've decided to drop one of my courses. I just cant get all the work done for all the classes so my managment class is the one to go. I'll lose the money but it'll be better to lose the money for one course then to fail 4. I can still do a buy back on the book.

I think im getting carpal(sp?) tunnel in my thumb from texting. This isnt good since I love to text. Maybe my new phone will help with it. It's got a full keyboard so I wont b able to text wen im drivin anymore(EEK!). Hopefully i can get the phone numbers transferred over tomorrow. I wanted to wait untill I could go to my friends store and get it done there but my old phone died and I needed a phone. Why couldn't I just charge it you say? Read the next paragraph...

Our house is in chaos. This is because we're gettin hardwood floors put in. We just pulled up the crappy carpet and ugly peel 'n stick tiles today. Everything is moved or lost, including my phone charger that dear old momma lost. I was unfortunately at work today and couldnt move my crap when she needed it moved. I just dont understand why you wouldnt put someones stuff in their room is they arent here to claim it. I could understand if it was say my eyebrow waxing kit because thats got alot of stuff in it. But a cell phone charger isnt that much of a burden that it couldnt be thrown on my bed. Im really not that particular.

I dont understand people's thinking.

Back to school

And feeling more overwhelmed then ever. I wanna hide and cry Im so nervous. Im trying to keep my head clear but its just so scarey. On the plus side I heard from E today. He always makes me smile :).

I've been torturing myself with the syllabus all afternoon. I gotta get a better job. Im so not diggin school anymore. Maybe I could change classes or something.