Keeps gettin better

No actually it doesnt.

Crappy late thanksgiving.

I've been broken hearted once again. C.I love him more then I can stand but I dont think he loves me. There's another girl and I waited to long to confess I was never really over him. Now he's in to deep and wont hurt her. I feel absolutely fucking crushed. Why the fuck cant I be loved? I try to be positive and upbeat but i keep getting burned. I dont think I can keep doing this. Im not even looking for sex anymore. I just want someone to hold me and make me feel special.

Where is the love?

Finally free...(almost)

So I changed my cell # yesterday. And J is apparently pestering my gays for the new digits. He has even gone so far as to look up my house number. Of course i didnt answer it and thank god for the generic voicemail greeting with no names in it. I told them to say they dont have my number. S is an idiot and was honest but told him he couldnt give it out. Now J is pestering him for it. In some ways i feel bad that S got dragged into it but in other ways I dont feel bad because if he had just told him what i told him to it would be ok.

More conversations with E in the past few days. I do love that boy. :)

And it just gets wierder

Im tired of people. Yep I give up on the human race.

I told J i was tired of his shit he needs to leave me alone and stop calling me. He of course is an idiot and doesnt get the message. I've tried being nice and it doesnt work. I've tried being rude and that doesnt work. Im running out of options here. I just dont feel an attraction to him. Simple as that. I thought i would grow to like him but I dont.

S is another moron. He calls and asks for advice, then doesnt follow it. Then he wonders why I get pissed off when he asks for more. My gays are misbehaving and Im displeased. Im tired of being their marriage counciler.

I want a full time job NOW!!! Im tired of my boss and her shit. I need change.

I've been in touch with E recently :D. I saw him walking to the tech building at school but im to chicken shit to ditch my friend on the phone to make my presence known. I texted him and he said he missed me. Then on friday we were texting and he said he'd rather be with me then in school right then. I told him I'd like that. If I see him tomorrow I'll make myself known. :)

Happy late halloween

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

Thats what I want to do. More specifically I want to scream at the top of my lungs until my voice gives or i pass out. Although a good fucking would probably ease my frazzled nerves. I've decided to drop one of my courses. I just cant get all the work done for all the classes so my managment class is the one to go. I'll lose the money but it'll be better to lose the money for one course then to fail 4. I can still do a buy back on the book.

I think im getting carpal(sp?) tunnel in my thumb from texting. This isnt good since I love to text. Maybe my new phone will help with it. It's got a full keyboard so I wont b able to text wen im drivin anymore(EEK!). Hopefully i can get the phone numbers transferred over tomorrow. I wanted to wait untill I could go to my friends store and get it done there but my old phone died and I needed a phone. Why couldn't I just charge it you say? Read the next paragraph...

Our house is in chaos. This is because we're gettin hardwood floors put in. We just pulled up the crappy carpet and ugly peel 'n stick tiles today. Everything is moved or lost, including my phone charger that dear old momma lost. I was unfortunately at work today and couldnt move my crap when she needed it moved. I just dont understand why you wouldnt put someones stuff in their room is they arent here to claim it. I could understand if it was say my eyebrow waxing kit because thats got alot of stuff in it. But a cell phone charger isnt that much of a burden that it couldnt be thrown on my bed. Im really not that particular.

I dont understand people's thinking.

Back to school

And feeling more overwhelmed then ever. I wanna hide and cry Im so nervous. Im trying to keep my head clear but its just so scarey. On the plus side I heard from E today. He always makes me smile :).

I've been torturing myself with the syllabus all afternoon. I gotta get a better job. Im so not diggin school anymore. Maybe I could change classes or something.

"Spend my money on women and wine..."

But i couldn't tell ya where I spent last niiiight.

I turned 21 last week. WOOOOOOOOOT!!! My current drink of craving is cheap wine or white Russians. I'm going to my friends house tomorrow to get trashed!!! Sooooooooo excited!!!

Not a huge celebration on the actual day. My cousin took me to the beach and we got cheap wine for the girls and Budweiser for the boys. And some kind of fruity drink from Captain Morgans. They didn't seem to have as strong of an effect as the wine. I cant remember the ride back home. We got in around 3 am and cooked Alfredo garlic pasta and it was SO good.

I had to drop $260 on books for school today and that's only for 2 of the 4 books i need. This is getting pricey and I'm not sure I can keep going at it. Gonna try to get some financial aid or something. Somethings gotta give soon.

J is now telling people I'm his girlfriend. I don't know how I feel about that. He's alright I guess but I'm not feeling the spark and tingles like I usually do. If i cant get him to slow down a little I'll just change my phone number again and disappear. He doesn't drive and has only been to my house once for like 3 minutes so I could get my alcohol out of my room. It wouldn't be to hard to shake this one.

We'll see...

No such luck

Unfortunately J is still interested. And yet at the same time I hear he's on a gay chatline. Go fuckin figure right? At least Im not letting him get close enough to hurt me. My trust issues are bubbling up to the surface again.

Im currently scrambling to get a fourth class this semester since one of the classes got cancelled. I had to grab an online course because one of the classes that i got dropped from filled up. I think I'll work on that course between my 2 on campus courses. Money is a pain this time around. At least the one online class reduces my gas consumption. Wow who sounds like a tree hugger?

Just got off the phone with T. I wish sooooooooo bad I could be with him. To bad Im stuck in this crap heap called The Cape.