"Spend my money on women and wine..."

But i couldn't tell ya where I spent last niiiight.

I turned 21 last week. WOOOOOOOOOT!!! My current drink of craving is cheap wine or white Russians. I'm going to my friends house tomorrow to get trashed!!! Sooooooooo excited!!!

Not a huge celebration on the actual day. My cousin took me to the beach and we got cheap wine for the girls and Budweiser for the boys. And some kind of fruity drink from Captain Morgans. They didn't seem to have as strong of an effect as the wine. I cant remember the ride back home. We got in around 3 am and cooked Alfredo garlic pasta and it was SO good.

I had to drop $260 on books for school today and that's only for 2 of the 4 books i need. This is getting pricey and I'm not sure I can keep going at it. Gonna try to get some financial aid or something. Somethings gotta give soon.

J is now telling people I'm his girlfriend. I don't know how I feel about that. He's alright I guess but I'm not feeling the spark and tingles like I usually do. If i cant get him to slow down a little I'll just change my phone number again and disappear. He doesn't drive and has only been to my house once for like 3 minutes so I could get my alcohol out of my room. It wouldn't be to hard to shake this one.

We'll see...

Im getting the feeling that...

...my vagina secretes Zyprexa,Aterall, marinara sauce, and THC.

Let me explain(probably repeating myself) why I think this.

Every boyfriend I have ever had has either been Bi-polar, ADHD, Italian or a stoner.

First boyfriend-ADHD, Italian, Stoner
Second boyfriend-ADHD, Stoner, strongly suspected italian
Third boyfriend- ADHD turned Bi-Polar, Italian, Stoner
Fourth boyfriend-ADHD, Stoner, suspected Italian

I met one of Stevens friends last sunday night.We will call him J We ended up hooking up(mistake number 1) without a condom(mistake number 2) after knowing eachother maybe 3 hours(my own mistake number 3). Dont even begin to judge me. It had been 2 years 2 months and 1 day since I had last had sex. I was just going with the flow. I swore up and down all week that it was only going to be a one night stand and that it would be the only one I ever had for the rest of my life. Then thursday he calls me (should have changed my friggin number) asking if I wouldnt mind giving him a ride to his moms house in B-bay. I had about as much resistance as a fucking cotton ball. I drive up to his apt and we hang out watching Scarface and eating hot dogs. His first move was repeating "Hey fuck you" and poking my face. I nip at his finger and he laughs. Then during the dancing scene with the girl in the green dress he decides to pretend he can sing and dance and pulls me up to dance with him. He kissed my cheek and we sit back down. There was an arm across my sholders here and there but nothing really spectacular. That is untill the last scene where Al Pacino is shooting everybody up. I guess big fight scenes with ficticous drug lords get him going because things escalated from a grope.

I still feel pretty skanky about it. But at the same time I want more.

(insert music lyric turned blog entry title here)

Just felt like putting in a fluff entry

Currently:
Feeling: confident that I can move past E
Listening: Lenny Kravits "As long as I'm living" stuck in my head
Tasting: bubble gum mouth wash
Located: next to indent in sinking mattress

I think I'm finally ready to let it go. I think I can handle sitting next to E in English tomorrow and not feeling either very angry or very dirty. I need to just let go. Wish him well and be done. I have T to look forward to this summer. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna make it hurt when E looks at me. I used to have an evil plan to make it visually difficult for him to behave. When I thought he might be interested the plan shifted gears from that to giving him the push to dump the hemorrhoid he's with. Now the plan has once again shifted and focus is on making damn sure he doesn't forget the little he did have with me and making sure he sees what he missed. After I'm satisfied that I have either ruined his head or I get bored then I'll stop. I wish this mind could be used for good over evil sometimes.

At least T thinks my evil thoughts are hot.

Low-blow to the ego fo sho'!

The other night was a total downer.

Currently I am:
Feeling: frustrated
Listening to: a freebie promo CD from Newbury Comics
Tasting: nothing
Located in: still sinking mattress

I have become so completely pathetic that the only offer I've gotten for intimate contact with the opposite sex is from my gay friend Steven. Does it say desprate on my face? I mean I know I have T to look forward to this summer but I cant help but peak around. Like this guy in my english class this semester.We'll call him E. We hooked up a few times and almost dated. I know he's got his girlfriend but I still think about those late night adventures. Wow now I sound like some creepy pervert. Ok moving on.

I finally finally really decided that my research paper will be on gun control. I am no allowing myself to change it anymore.

Wow another blog post that feels more like pulling teeth then fun.

I feel old

I'm running myself down.

Currently I am:
Feeling: worn out
Listening to: some people talking on the radio
Tasting: mint gum
Located in: work

I'm begining to think the reason I feel as old and worn as I do is because of the people I hang out with. Im very mellow and laid back. For the most part I dont let things get to me. However, the group of people I hang out with is the exact opposite. The majority of my friends are ADD/ADHD. Extremely high strung people who can survive off 15 minutes of sleep a week. Last night I decided to go bowling with Steve and his boyfriend Justin. I didnt realize we would be bowling for 4 hours at a dollar a string. By the end of this i wasnt trying to aim even remotely close to our lane. My arms where on fire and i couldnt see straight. The boys on the other hand where not affected. They loked like they could go for weeks and not be tired.

This isnt the first time I've hung out with ADHDs. No, in fact all 4 boyfriends I've had in my short love life have all been italian ADHDs. I used to be able to keep up with them but lately I've been feeling the strain of not having a normal sleep scheduel. I wonder if i would stil feel like this if i had different friend and normal boyfriends.

If only I could turn back time...