"Your askin me will my love grow?"

I want somebody to tell me its gonna get easier. That there really is someone out there for me. That im not gonna end up a lonely spinster.

I just dont get it. Im really fucking nice. I dont judge people, i dont start drama, i mind my own business. I don't stray to far from the "good" path. And when I do I dont go hog wild. Yet with all this good I always attract all this bad. But you look at some of the other girls in town and they are so awful. Running around whoring it up, and just being little bitches. And the good guys are falling all over each other to get to them. I admit i screwed up big time about 3 years ago. Im trying to at least burry that indiscretion and move on. I got a call today from an ex beggin money off me. I can't seem to escape the past.

GRRRRRRRRR

Mission to Birth Control do you copy?

I'm not a trollop. I'm just taking care of my health.

Currently I am:
Feeling: a little confused
Listening to: O*Town "I showed her"(yea I'm lame)
Tasting: salt and vinegar chips
Located in: work

I decided to put myself on some birth control pills. I'm just plain sick of the uncertainty with my "red flag". I thought I was going to skip it last month since it was like 2 weeks late and I haven't had sex in almost 3 years. Nope just when I though I was in the clear it comes out of no where with a vengeance. I have absolutely no intentions of telling my parents. They are aware that I have had sex but I seriously believe that they think I wont have it again since an unpleasant incident that happened 3 years ago. If they find out I really don't care. I'm 20 years old and at some point in the future there will be some guy out there that wants to sleep with me for some reason unbeknown to myself.

The sucky part about going on the pill is that I have to quit smoking. What the hell am I supposed to do on my break at work? I just hope they dont tell me I can't drink alchomahols anymore. That would suck even worse. We will have to see on the 11th.

"How you remind me..."

I suddenly feel very young.

I have to listen to music when I'm doing homework of any sort. My usual choices have started to sound the same. To mix it up I decided to throw on a disc that I probably havent played in 6 years. The band is called O*Town. They came from the show "Making the band" waaaaaaaaaaay back. They started out as the typical boy band. All dressing the same with that poppy boy-band sound. Im listening to their second disc in which they sort of create their own sound and image. The music is a combination of some rock-sounding riffs with a little hip hop, a few shreds of that pop music and of course the typical breakin' up song. Right now the song "Suddenly" is playing and this takes me back to around the time my second boyfriend broke up with me. I was still on the mend from my first boyfriend who lasted 11 months. On top of getting broken up with twice in a month I had just started high school. I dont adapt to change easily and everything happening at once just felt so overwhelming.

There's another song on this disc that reminds me of all the cheating my first boyfriend did. It's called "I only dance with you" the begining starts out with this guy meeting his girlfriends best friend and the best friend basicly trying to get the guy to be hers. The only differnce between song guy and my ex is that my ex didnt try to stop the hoes.

Hmmm double posts.