I have no idea why Im writting this entry. Im bored at work and waiting for my virus scan to complete it self.
Im seriously bummed out about not being able to see T this summer. Plans fell through. I wish I could just up and go but I have work and restrictions.
I found out my grandmother has breast cancer. I think today she was getting radiation and then they would see if she needed chemo. I may have to go out and stay with her for a week if things get worse. I really hope she's gonna be ok.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
"Your askin me will my love grow?"
I want somebody to tell me its gonna get easier. That there really is someone out there for me. That im not gonna end up a lonely spinster.
I just dont get it. Im really fucking nice. I dont judge people, i dont start drama, i mind my own business. I don't stray to far from the "good" path. And when I do I dont go hog wild. Yet with all this good I always attract all this bad. But you look at some of the other girls in town and they are so awful. Running around whoring it up, and just being little bitches. And the good guys are falling all over each other to get to them. I admit i screwed up big time about 3 years ago. Im trying to at least burry that indiscretion and move on. I got a call today from an ex beggin money off me. I can't seem to escape the past.
GRRRRRRRRR
I just dont get it. Im really fucking nice. I dont judge people, i dont start drama, i mind my own business. I don't stray to far from the "good" path. And when I do I dont go hog wild. Yet with all this good I always attract all this bad. But you look at some of the other girls in town and they are so awful. Running around whoring it up, and just being little bitches. And the good guys are falling all over each other to get to them. I admit i screwed up big time about 3 years ago. Im trying to at least burry that indiscretion and move on. I got a call today from an ex beggin money off me. I can't seem to escape the past.
GRRRRRRRRR
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Every now and then.
I guess I'll just write in here every now and then.
Was supposed to go up to Brighton this weekend to party with my cousin but rainy ass weather prevented that. Bummed out because I needed to let loose.
Going a hair show next weekend. Im super excited because I can buy high end salon products for really cheap. I gotta find some decent dandruff shampoo. I wanna peel my scalp off sometimes it itches so bad.
T pissed me off the other night. I finally tell him I can go out to see him and that my gay friend Steven and his fiance are coming with me. He's all excited and happy for that. Then he starts talkin about how he can have sex with them too. It's like what the fuck? I'm not enough? And on top of that my friends are all for it. Im tempted to call the whole thing off. Fuck em all. Sorry but I dont fuck gay guys.
Why can't I catch a break?
Was supposed to go up to Brighton this weekend to party with my cousin but rainy ass weather prevented that. Bummed out because I needed to let loose.
Going a hair show next weekend. Im super excited because I can buy high end salon products for really cheap. I gotta find some decent dandruff shampoo. I wanna peel my scalp off sometimes it itches so bad.
T pissed me off the other night. I finally tell him I can go out to see him and that my gay friend Steven and his fiance are coming with me. He's all excited and happy for that. Then he starts talkin about how he can have sex with them too. It's like what the fuck? I'm not enough? And on top of that my friends are all for it. Im tempted to call the whole thing off. Fuck em all. Sorry but I dont fuck gay guys.
Why can't I catch a break?
Friday, May 2, 2008
"Will i lose my dignity?"
Is this the end of inside a jaded girls mind?
Currently:
Feeling: heart burn
Listening: radio
Tasting: Spaghetti -o's
Located: work
No T last ngiht again. I think its finals week for him and he's been studying. I didnt think about that till last night because im brain dead. Felt extra lonely to. I hope he's ok.
E offered another nap last night. And of course I can't say no. Because Im starved for love. Or at least a little attention. I hope he goes through with his offer this time because it hurts when he doesn't. He offered one other time but then said he couldnt do it. I havent heard from him today yet. I hope he doesnt back out because even though he's still attached Im lonely. If he gets weird I can justify it in a way that wont make him sad.
The wait is the hardest part
Currently:
Feeling: heart burn
Listening: radio
Tasting: Spaghetti -o's
Located: work
No T last ngiht again. I think its finals week for him and he's been studying. I didnt think about that till last night because im brain dead. Felt extra lonely to. I hope he's ok.
E offered another nap last night. And of course I can't say no. Because Im starved for love. Or at least a little attention. I hope he goes through with his offer this time because it hurts when he doesn't. He offered one other time but then said he couldnt do it. I havent heard from him today yet. I hope he doesnt back out because even though he's still attached Im lonely. If he gets weird I can justify it in a way that wont make him sad.
The wait is the hardest part
Thursday, May 1, 2008
"They tumble as they make their way across the universe..."
Currently:
Feeling: mellow
Listening: Across the universe sound track
Tasting: nothing
Located: The Connector
See what happens when you take 6 days off from blogging? Im scrambling to crank out entries in time for the second journal check. Hopefully he wont check right away. I can squeeze in another entry later today.
Im really looking forward to summer. I can't get the time off to go to camp this summer. WOO HOO!!! I was kind of getting tired of it. It's church camp and I only went to keep my mom off my ass. Its just very repressive there. I got a dirty look from the camp nurse when I asked her for a tampon last summer. All I wanted to do was go swimming. I'd probably be crucified if they found my birth control. Because Im a total tramp huh?
Had my manager almost pissing her pants the other day. The upstairs bathroom at work for some reason has a window installed at ass level. I dont like to flash my bare butt at the entire neighborhood. I always pull the shade down. My boss started bitching and told us leave it where she put. I told her "Sorry Donna I just dont like the ENTIRE hood see my bare ass flappin in the breeze" then a few seconds later " The only people I want seeing my bare ass is a boyfriend and you wanna know why?" she says "Why?" in a piss tone. Im like "Because then I know something very fun about to happen" The manager almost died.
Feeling: mellow
Listening: Across the universe sound track
Tasting: nothing
Located: The Connector
See what happens when you take 6 days off from blogging? Im scrambling to crank out entries in time for the second journal check. Hopefully he wont check right away. I can squeeze in another entry later today.
Im really looking forward to summer. I can't get the time off to go to camp this summer. WOO HOO!!! I was kind of getting tired of it. It's church camp and I only went to keep my mom off my ass. Its just very repressive there. I got a dirty look from the camp nurse when I asked her for a tampon last summer. All I wanted to do was go swimming. I'd probably be crucified if they found my birth control. Because Im a total tramp huh?
Had my manager almost pissing her pants the other day. The upstairs bathroom at work for some reason has a window installed at ass level. I dont like to flash my bare butt at the entire neighborhood. I always pull the shade down. My boss started bitching and told us leave it where she put. I told her "Sorry Donna I just dont like the ENTIRE hood see my bare ass flappin in the breeze" then a few seconds later " The only people I want seeing my bare ass is a boyfriend and you wanna know why?" she says "Why?" in a piss tone. Im like "Because then I know something very fun about to happen" The manager almost died.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
"Another one bites the dust..."
Le sigh
Currently:
Feeling: bummed out about my car
Listening: TV
Tasting: Chocolate Carnation instant breakfast
Located: living room couch
So I leave work early today to go to the museum with the school. I rush home to get me head phones for the ride up. Soon as I get on the highway my car starts to lurch and the check engine light comes on. I pull over and wait a few mins so see if it'll calm down. I start to drive again and it lurches again. Pull over turn the car off for a few. Drive again and turn the heat up full blast just incase the engine was going to over heat. Notice the squeak from the tensioner is consistent and much more rapid. I look at the rotation gage and its at 4.5-5 rpm and im only driving 55 mph. Its usually down at about 2.5.
Why does my car hate me?
Currently:
Feeling: bummed out about my car
Listening: TV
Tasting: Chocolate Carnation instant breakfast
Located: living room couch
So I leave work early today to go to the museum with the school. I rush home to get me head phones for the ride up. Soon as I get on the highway my car starts to lurch and the check engine light comes on. I pull over and wait a few mins so see if it'll calm down. I start to drive again and it lurches again. Pull over turn the car off for a few. Drive again and turn the heat up full blast just incase the engine was going to over heat. Notice the squeak from the tensioner is consistent and much more rapid. I look at the rotation gage and its at 4.5-5 rpm and im only driving 55 mph. Its usually down at about 2.5.
Why does my car hate me?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
"I shiver when I here your name..."
Now Im scrambling to get my entries done.
Currently:
Feeling: achey
Listening to: the whirring of the dehumidifyer
Tasting: nothing
Located: bed
Still trying to figure out if I'll get to see T this summer. I just wanna feel loved again. He makes me feel special and loved. But my mom is making it increasingly difficult to do that. I cant do anything while im under their roof.
I've been thinking about getting an appartment. I just need a better job to pay for it. And a reliable room mate.
So I made it through english class without much discomfort. Maybe I can finally let go. So long as he doesnt start with the naughty things. We will have to see about that.
Going on in my head right now: Tap on my window, knock on my door, I wanna make you feel beautiful. (lyrics to maroon 5 "she will be loved")
I hope I can get up to the school and go on the trip to Boston Museum of Fine Arts. I havent been in a couple of years and it would be a nice change of scenery. Gotta remember to try and snag a computer for the english final tomorrow as well.
Currently:
Feeling: achey
Listening to: the whirring of the dehumidifyer
Tasting: nothing
Located: bed
Still trying to figure out if I'll get to see T this summer. I just wanna feel loved again. He makes me feel special and loved. But my mom is making it increasingly difficult to do that. I cant do anything while im under their roof.
I've been thinking about getting an appartment. I just need a better job to pay for it. And a reliable room mate.
So I made it through english class without much discomfort. Maybe I can finally let go. So long as he doesnt start with the naughty things. We will have to see about that.
Going on in my head right now: Tap on my window, knock on my door, I wanna make you feel beautiful. (lyrics to maroon 5 "she will be loved")
I hope I can get up to the school and go on the trip to Boston Museum of Fine Arts. I havent been in a couple of years and it would be a nice change of scenery. Gotta remember to try and snag a computer for the english final tomorrow as well.
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