"The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better..."

And the whirlwind that seems to be my emotions continues.

E contacted me on wednesday night. I guess things didnt work out with the one he was attached to in TX. Despite everything I still have feelings for him. We got together on thursday and he was so sweet. I hope I hear from him again. Sent a text a few minutes ago. I can actually say Im happy which is a first.

A haiku:

He smiles at her
Like sunshine, it melts her heart
Have the walls been cracked?

"Lucy in the Sky with diamonds"

Not alot has happened lately. I've been picking up more clients in the salon. I did have a very rude woman come in the other day. She criticized everything I did. Then she wanted me to use clippers to cut the hard skin around her nails and legally I can't do that. She was very insistent on it but i stood my ground. She ended up taking the clippers herself and hacked away at her fingers. Then of course she complained about the clippers being dull. Sorry they were meant to cut nails not your dead skin lady. I was very happy when she left. Told my boss to blacklist her name, that if she was booked with me again I was quiting.

Found out my van is gonna cost about 2000 in repairs to get it inspection ready. This makes me sad. I want my baby back :( Im tired of this little Taurus. I like my van becuase its surprisingly good on gas. And with prices being what they are I need to save where I can.

bits and peices

The salon is finally picking up. I had 5 people last week which is alot more then normal. My sisters and mom are almost out of school which means i wont have to be up at 7 am to drive anyone to school.WOO HOO!!! I'll be kinda bummed about the early drop off job being done for the summer tho. That little bit of cash really helped.

I heard from my grandmother yesterday. She had the tumor removed and is undergoing radiation . She's happy to have it out and Im glad she's ok. I planned on sending a card but as does everything in my life it got away from me.

no nifty title today

I have no idea why Im writting this entry. Im bored at work and waiting for my virus scan to complete it self.

Im seriously bummed out about not being able to see T this summer. Plans fell through. I wish I could just up and go but I have work and restrictions.

I found out my grandmother has breast cancer. I think today she was getting radiation and then they would see if she needed chemo. I may have to go out and stay with her for a week if things get worse. I really hope she's gonna be ok.

"Your askin me will my love grow?"

I want somebody to tell me its gonna get easier. That there really is someone out there for me. That im not gonna end up a lonely spinster.

I just dont get it. Im really fucking nice. I dont judge people, i dont start drama, i mind my own business. I don't stray to far from the "good" path. And when I do I dont go hog wild. Yet with all this good I always attract all this bad. But you look at some of the other girls in town and they are so awful. Running around whoring it up, and just being little bitches. And the good guys are falling all over each other to get to them. I admit i screwed up big time about 3 years ago. Im trying to at least burry that indiscretion and move on. I got a call today from an ex beggin money off me. I can't seem to escape the past.

GRRRRRRRRR

Every now and then.

I guess I'll just write in here every now and then.

Was supposed to go up to Brighton this weekend to party with my cousin but rainy ass weather prevented that. Bummed out because I needed to let loose.

Going a hair show next weekend. Im super excited because I can buy high end salon products for really cheap. I gotta find some decent dandruff shampoo. I wanna peel my scalp off sometimes it itches so bad.

T pissed me off the other night. I finally tell him I can go out to see him and that my gay friend Steven and his fiance are coming with me. He's all excited and happy for that. Then he starts talkin about how he can have sex with them too. It's like what the fuck? I'm not enough? And on top of that my friends are all for it. Im tempted to call the whole thing off. Fuck em all. Sorry but I dont fuck gay guys.

Why can't I catch a break?

"Will i lose my dignity?"

Is this the end of inside a jaded girls mind?

Currently:
Feeling: heart burn
Listening: radio
Tasting: Spaghetti -o's
Located: work

No T last ngiht again. I think its finals week for him and he's been studying. I didnt think about that till last night because im brain dead. Felt extra lonely to. I hope he's ok.

E offered another nap last night. And of course I can't say no. Because Im starved for love. Or at least a little attention. I hope he goes through with his offer this time because it hurts when he doesn't. He offered one other time but then said he couldnt do it. I havent heard from him today yet. I hope he doesnt back out because even though he's still attached Im lonely. If he gets weird I can justify it in a way that wont make him sad.

The wait is the hardest part