Life hates me.
Currently:
Feeling: aggravated
listening to: nothing
tasting: flat coke
located: STILL sinking mattress
So after getting my mom to let me go to IL this summer to see my friends she decides today she would rather me go with her to see my dad while he's at accounting school in Mississippi. She hasn't said specifically that she doesn't want me going but that she would rather the other way. I know her and this is only the beginning of he saying no all together. And I cant get all pissed off at her about it because I was kind of an ass to her today when we were shopping. I didn't mean to be a pain I was just very tired and my ankles hurt. I gotta make this up to her some how.
I miss T. I haven't heard from him in a few days and I'm getting worried. I thought he was into me but maybe I was wrong. E has been confiding in me the last few days about him and his lady. He worries the hell out of me. Despite everything that has transpired between us I don't hate the fact that he's still living. I just wish I could keep my feelings in check. I haven't revealed anything to him but inside my head its a roller coaster.
I guess I can count the fact that I havent started smoking again as something good.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Medical history done, Physical Exam to go
Currently I am:
Feeling: relaxed and clean from my shower
Listening to: the whirring of the dehumidifier and the clickety click of my keyboard
Tasting: bubble gum mouth wash
Located: STILL sinking mattress(maybe I'll have flipped it by the end of the semester)
So I went to the Family Planing place in Wareham today for my medical history appointment. Wow is all I can say. They ask about EVERYTHING!!! The lady, Donna, told me about how some people tell her they have anal sex with out lube or a condom. That's just nasty. Next week I'm supposed to go for my physical exam and then I'll get my pills. Thank god they work on a sliding scale based on income. Turns out I'll be able to get my exam, STD testing, birth control, and things like that all for about $35 dollars. They told me if I had gone with insurance it would cost more because Blue Cross Blue Shield doesn't cover it.
FREE CONDOMS!!!
Yes they gave me a bag of 25 different condoms. One of them is called Night Light and I can only imagine Star Wars in my head. Chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. I have the Neapolitan ice cream of condoms here. The rest aren't all that interesting.
Now lets hope I dont die of embarrasment during the pelvic exam.
Feeling: relaxed and clean from my shower
Listening to: the whirring of the dehumidifier and the clickety click of my keyboard
Tasting: bubble gum mouth wash
Located: STILL sinking mattress(maybe I'll have flipped it by the end of the semester)
So I went to the Family Planing place in Wareham today for my medical history appointment. Wow is all I can say. They ask about EVERYTHING!!! The lady, Donna, told me about how some people tell her they have anal sex with out lube or a condom. That's just nasty. Next week I'm supposed to go for my physical exam and then I'll get my pills. Thank god they work on a sliding scale based on income. Turns out I'll be able to get my exam, STD testing, birth control, and things like that all for about $35 dollars. They told me if I had gone with insurance it would cost more because Blue Cross Blue Shield doesn't cover it.
FREE CONDOMS!!!
Yes they gave me a bag of 25 different condoms. One of them is called Night Light and I can only imagine Star Wars in my head. Chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. I have the Neapolitan ice cream of condoms here. The rest aren't all that interesting.
Now lets hope I dont die of embarrasment during the pelvic exam.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Quittin' smokin'(a progress report)
Currently:
Feeling: relaxed
Tasting: Tomato soup prom Panera Bread
Listening to: 3 doors down "Here without you"
Located: work once again
I had my last ciggarret last thursday. I only had one drag on friday and nothing since then. I've been in a much nicer disposition. Other people have noticed. E said I look much better. And dont tell anyone but I may sort of, kind of like being a not sad person. Its funny because when I did smoke I used to think it relaxed me. Thus making me easier to be around. Funny how your veiws shift when you come out of the smoke cloud.
I was surprised when I got out of work last night and it was still day light out. I think part of my good mood could be attributed to the change in weather. Soon I'll be able to wear lighter clothing(as in style, not color). If my legs are in decent shape by then I might even wear a skirt(GASP!). If they still suck then I'll just wear funky stockings so i can smooth out the lumps and bumps.
Im excited for spring break because I can finally get all my appointments done. Dentist, doctor, gynocologist, hair dresser and such have been seriously neglected.
Feeling: relaxed
Tasting: Tomato soup prom Panera Bread
Listening to: 3 doors down "Here without you"
Located: work once again
I had my last ciggarret last thursday. I only had one drag on friday and nothing since then. I've been in a much nicer disposition. Other people have noticed. E said I look much better. And dont tell anyone but I may sort of, kind of like being a not sad person. Its funny because when I did smoke I used to think it relaxed me. Thus making me easier to be around. Funny how your veiws shift when you come out of the smoke cloud.
I was surprised when I got out of work last night and it was still day light out. I think part of my good mood could be attributed to the change in weather. Soon I'll be able to wear lighter clothing(as in style, not color). If my legs are in decent shape by then I might even wear a skirt(GASP!). If they still suck then I'll just wear funky stockings so i can smooth out the lumps and bumps.
Im excited for spring break because I can finally get all my appointments done. Dentist, doctor, gynocologist, hair dresser and such have been seriously neglected.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I need new friends
I'm getting very tired of the drama with my two gay friends. GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DRAMA FREE DAMN IT!!!
Currently I am:
Feeling: drained and used
Tasting: Mountain Dew
Listening to: Alicia Key's "Falling"
Located: work as always
So I'm supposed to be going to Province town this Saturday with my friend Steven and his fiance Justin. Every time I hang out with them I'm the only girl. I was getting kinda tired of this so i decided I was going to bring my friend Autumn. We planned on staying at Justin's the night before because he lives in Dennis port. When Steven tells this to Justin, he gets all pissy about it and says if she has to come then he just wont go. I feel that's fucked up because I make it possible for him and Steven to see each other when they aren't supposed to be. All I wanted was some more girl in the mix. The three of us got into a giant scream fest that ended with me storming out screaming and swearing at them and leaving Steven stranded. At this point I just don't give a shit anymore. They use me for their forbidden relationship and I'm tired of it.
Steven had the nerve to call me today looking to see if the trip was still on. I told him I don't have a car this weekend mine died(big fat lie) because I just didn't want to go in a circle. He said why not use your moms car. My mom actually does have to work all weekend and will need to move between jobs at times that i would be away with the car. I told him I'm not taking his mom's car because what happens if she needs it. I'm also not on her insurance and what happens if we get in a car accident? He suggested the little burgundy car in my drive way. Oh yes lets take the car that has no inspection sticker, no licence plates, no valid insurance on it, and has mice in the engine. Dip shit.
My boss and manager both think these two are suckers. They suck your energy and money out until you put up boundaries. Then they either comply or leache onto someone else.
Where's the whiskey when you need it?
Currently I am:
Feeling: drained and used
Tasting: Mountain Dew
Listening to: Alicia Key's "Falling"
Located: work as always
So I'm supposed to be going to Province town this Saturday with my friend Steven and his fiance Justin. Every time I hang out with them I'm the only girl. I was getting kinda tired of this so i decided I was going to bring my friend Autumn. We planned on staying at Justin's the night before because he lives in Dennis port. When Steven tells this to Justin, he gets all pissy about it and says if she has to come then he just wont go. I feel that's fucked up because I make it possible for him and Steven to see each other when they aren't supposed to be. All I wanted was some more girl in the mix. The three of us got into a giant scream fest that ended with me storming out screaming and swearing at them and leaving Steven stranded. At this point I just don't give a shit anymore. They use me for their forbidden relationship and I'm tired of it.
Steven had the nerve to call me today looking to see if the trip was still on. I told him I don't have a car this weekend mine died(big fat lie) because I just didn't want to go in a circle. He said why not use your moms car. My mom actually does have to work all weekend and will need to move between jobs at times that i would be away with the car. I told him I'm not taking his mom's car because what happens if she needs it. I'm also not on her insurance and what happens if we get in a car accident? He suggested the little burgundy car in my drive way. Oh yes lets take the car that has no inspection sticker, no licence plates, no valid insurance on it, and has mice in the engine. Dip shit.
My boss and manager both think these two are suckers. They suck your energy and money out until you put up boundaries. Then they either comply or leache onto someone else.
Where's the whiskey when you need it?
Friday, March 7, 2008
"You got my head spinning..."
At least thats what the sudden tidal wave of customers and tasks has done to me.
Currently I am:
Feeling: overwhelmed
Listening to: Some 80s song on the radio that i actually DON'T like
Tasting: water lol
Located in: work(what else is new?)
Almost as soon as I get into work today it seems that everyone and their mother needed to call or come in all at the same time.I've been here since 9:30 and i have only just now gotten a moment to sit and think. The cleaning ladies kept me laughing telling me I should just tell the customers to F*** off we dont have shoe s*** here. I told them even that wouldnt get my sorry ass fired. Seriously, I've tried to quit. The boss wont let me.
I'm gonna be going to Provincetown on the 15th with my gay friend Steven and his fiance Justin. My mom told me not to go into the sex shops because I would be scared. Now that she's told me this my curiosity will get the better of me and I'll end up looking in at least one of them.
I wonder whats taking my pizza so long to arrive. Im a chubby kid and i like to eat dang it!
Currently I am:
Feeling: overwhelmed
Listening to: Some 80s song on the radio that i actually DON'T like
Tasting: water lol
Located in: work(what else is new?)
Almost as soon as I get into work today it seems that everyone and their mother needed to call or come in all at the same time.I've been here since 9:30 and i have only just now gotten a moment to sit and think. The cleaning ladies kept me laughing telling me I should just tell the customers to F*** off we dont have shoe s*** here. I told them even that wouldnt get my sorry ass fired. Seriously, I've tried to quit. The boss wont let me.
I'm gonna be going to Provincetown on the 15th with my gay friend Steven and his fiance Justin. My mom told me not to go into the sex shops because I would be scared. Now that she's told me this my curiosity will get the better of me and I'll end up looking in at least one of them.
I wonder whats taking my pizza so long to arrive. Im a chubby kid and i like to eat dang it!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Filler entry here
Just a filler entry since Im behind with my numbers:
Currently I am:
Feeling: anxious wondering if I'll crank out this entry befor class starts
Listening to: two girls pissed off about hilary clinton winning more then obama
tasting: nothing
Located in: the connector between north and south hall
Yes yes another fluffy entry. I dont know why but I felt the need to make another one right befor im supposed to hand over the URL to Professor Kershner.
I guess I should apologize for any feelings of discomfort at my previous entry about my lady problems. I dont think befor i say(or type) things alot of the time.
Im starting to get my finances in order. Thank god I wont be as broke as I am. I really feel stupid for screwing up my checking so badly. I have locked up the debit card for the next month in an attempt to recover.
Sitting in the connector is a good place to go "people watching". Making up back stories for total strangers is something my cousin Bobby got me into. Like the shaggy haired kid who smells like a basement that just walked by. I think he really wishes he could be in a band so he could have the novelty of groupies. But his hair flopping over his eyes says he's too shy to go for it.
WOW i belive thats the most random blog post i've made yet.
Currently I am:
Feeling: anxious wondering if I'll crank out this entry befor class starts
Listening to: two girls pissed off about hilary clinton winning more then obama
tasting: nothing
Located in: the connector between north and south hall
Yes yes another fluffy entry. I dont know why but I felt the need to make another one right befor im supposed to hand over the URL to Professor Kershner.
I guess I should apologize for any feelings of discomfort at my previous entry about my lady problems. I dont think befor i say(or type) things alot of the time.
Im starting to get my finances in order. Thank god I wont be as broke as I am. I really feel stupid for screwing up my checking so badly. I have locked up the debit card for the next month in an attempt to recover.
Sitting in the connector is a good place to go "people watching". Making up back stories for total strangers is something my cousin Bobby got me into. Like the shaggy haired kid who smells like a basement that just walked by. I think he really wishes he could be in a band so he could have the novelty of groupies. But his hair flopping over his eyes says he's too shy to go for it.
WOW i belive thats the most random blog post i've made yet.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mission to Birth Control do you copy?
I'm not a trollop. I'm just taking care of my health.
Currently I am:
Feeling: a little confused
Listening to: O*Town "I showed her"(yea I'm lame)
Tasting: salt and vinegar chips
Located in: work
I decided to put myself on some birth control pills. I'm just plain sick of the uncertainty with my "red flag". I thought I was going to skip it last month since it was like 2 weeks late and I haven't had sex in almost 3 years. Nope just when I though I was in the clear it comes out of no where with a vengeance. I have absolutely no intentions of telling my parents. They are aware that I have had sex but I seriously believe that they think I wont have it again since an unpleasant incident that happened 3 years ago. If they find out I really don't care. I'm 20 years old and at some point in the future there will be some guy out there that wants to sleep with me for some reason unbeknown to myself.
The sucky part about going on the pill is that I have to quit smoking. What the hell am I supposed to do on my break at work? I just hope they dont tell me I can't drink alchomahols anymore. That would suck even worse. We will have to see on the 11th.
Currently I am:
Feeling: a little confused
Listening to: O*Town "I showed her"(yea I'm lame)
Tasting: salt and vinegar chips
Located in: work
I decided to put myself on some birth control pills. I'm just plain sick of the uncertainty with my "red flag". I thought I was going to skip it last month since it was like 2 weeks late and I haven't had sex in almost 3 years. Nope just when I though I was in the clear it comes out of no where with a vengeance. I have absolutely no intentions of telling my parents. They are aware that I have had sex but I seriously believe that they think I wont have it again since an unpleasant incident that happened 3 years ago. If they find out I really don't care. I'm 20 years old and at some point in the future there will be some guy out there that wants to sleep with me for some reason unbeknown to myself.
The sucky part about going on the pill is that I have to quit smoking. What the hell am I supposed to do on my break at work? I just hope they dont tell me I can't drink alchomahols anymore. That would suck even worse. We will have to see on the 11th.
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