I suddenly feel very young.
I have to listen to music when I'm doing homework of any sort. My usual choices have started to sound the same. To mix it up I decided to throw on a disc that I probably havent played in 6 years. The band is called O*Town. They came from the show "Making the band" waaaaaaaaaaay back. They started out as the typical boy band. All dressing the same with that poppy boy-band sound. Im listening to their second disc in which they sort of create their own sound and image. The music is a combination of some rock-sounding riffs with a little hip hop, a few shreds of that pop music and of course the typical breakin' up song. Right now the song "Suddenly" is playing and this takes me back to around the time my second boyfriend broke up with me. I was still on the mend from my first boyfriend who lasted 11 months. On top of getting broken up with twice in a month I had just started high school. I dont adapt to change easily and everything happening at once just felt so overwhelming.
There's another song on this disc that reminds me of all the cheating my first boyfriend did. It's called "I only dance with you" the begining starts out with this guy meeting his girlfriends best friend and the best friend basicly trying to get the guy to be hers. The only differnce between song guy and my ex is that my ex didnt try to stop the hoes.
Hmmm double posts.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Low-blow to the ego fo sho'!
The other night was a total downer.
Currently I am:
Feeling: frustrated
Listening to: a freebie promo CD from Newbury Comics
Tasting: nothing
Located in: still sinking mattress
I have become so completely pathetic that the only offer I've gotten for intimate contact with the opposite sex is from my gay friend Steven. Does it say desprate on my face? I mean I know I have T to look forward to this summer but I cant help but peak around. Like this guy in my english class this semester.We'll call him E. We hooked up a few times and almost dated. I know he's got his girlfriend but I still think about those late night adventures. Wow now I sound like some creepy pervert. Ok moving on.
I finally finally really decided that my research paper will be on gun control. I am no allowing myself to change it anymore.
Wow another blog post that feels more like pulling teeth then fun.
Currently I am:
Feeling: frustrated
Listening to: a freebie promo CD from Newbury Comics
Tasting: nothing
Located in: still sinking mattress
I have become so completely pathetic that the only offer I've gotten for intimate contact with the opposite sex is from my gay friend Steven. Does it say desprate on my face? I mean I know I have T to look forward to this summer but I cant help but peak around. Like this guy in my english class this semester.We'll call him E. We hooked up a few times and almost dated. I know he's got his girlfriend but I still think about those late night adventures. Wow now I sound like some creepy pervert. Ok moving on.
I finally finally really decided that my research paper will be on gun control. I am no allowing myself to change it anymore.
Wow another blog post that feels more like pulling teeth then fun.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
"See androids fighting..."
Yea got The Rocky Horror Picture Show music stuck in my head.
Currently I am:
Feeling: much better then yesterday
Listening to: nothing
Tasting: bubble gum flavored mouth wash(yea I'm really a 6 year old with a 20 year old's body)
Located in: bed that needs its mattress turned over soon(sink hole yes?)
I haven't been in the best of moods since about Thursday when I found out my checking account is very overdrawn. This isn't good because in about four days i will need to have some kind of money in this account to go toward my payment plan for school. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I really hate asking for money from people but I will have to bite the bullet because if I screw up the payment plan its marks down on my credit score. This whole thing coupled with the shitty sleep schedule last week has sent me into a combination depression/frustration.
I did end up attending the multicultural festival on campus today. It was actually a lot of fun despite going by myself. I learned that there is a lot more culturally on the cape then I used to think. I wish i could have looked more at what the vendors where selling but it was just so crowded.
I need some inspiration for flippin' blog entries.
Currently I am:
Feeling: much better then yesterday
Listening to: nothing
Tasting: bubble gum flavored mouth wash(yea I'm really a 6 year old with a 20 year old's body)
Located in: bed that needs its mattress turned over soon(sink hole yes?)
I haven't been in the best of moods since about Thursday when I found out my checking account is very overdrawn. This isn't good because in about four days i will need to have some kind of money in this account to go toward my payment plan for school. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I really hate asking for money from people but I will have to bite the bullet because if I screw up the payment plan its marks down on my credit score. This whole thing coupled with the shitty sleep schedule last week has sent me into a combination depression/frustration.
I did end up attending the multicultural festival on campus today. It was actually a lot of fun despite going by myself. I learned that there is a lot more culturally on the cape then I used to think. I wish i could have looked more at what the vendors where selling but it was just so crowded.
I need some inspiration for flippin' blog entries.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I feel old
I'm running myself down.
Currently I am:
Feeling: worn out
Listening to: some people talking on the radio
Tasting: mint gum
Located in: work
I'm begining to think the reason I feel as old and worn as I do is because of the people I hang out with. Im very mellow and laid back. For the most part I dont let things get to me. However, the group of people I hang out with is the exact opposite. The majority of my friends are ADD/ADHD. Extremely high strung people who can survive off 15 minutes of sleep a week. Last night I decided to go bowling with Steve and his boyfriend Justin. I didnt realize we would be bowling for 4 hours at a dollar a string. By the end of this i wasnt trying to aim even remotely close to our lane. My arms where on fire and i couldnt see straight. The boys on the other hand where not affected. They loked like they could go for weeks and not be tired.
This isnt the first time I've hung out with ADHDs. No, in fact all 4 boyfriends I've had in my short love life have all been italian ADHDs. I used to be able to keep up with them but lately I've been feeling the strain of not having a normal sleep scheduel. I wonder if i would stil feel like this if i had different friend and normal boyfriends.
If only I could turn back time...
Currently I am:
Feeling: worn out
Listening to: some people talking on the radio
Tasting: mint gum
Located in: work
I'm begining to think the reason I feel as old and worn as I do is because of the people I hang out with. Im very mellow and laid back. For the most part I dont let things get to me. However, the group of people I hang out with is the exact opposite. The majority of my friends are ADD/ADHD. Extremely high strung people who can survive off 15 minutes of sleep a week. Last night I decided to go bowling with Steve and his boyfriend Justin. I didnt realize we would be bowling for 4 hours at a dollar a string. By the end of this i wasnt trying to aim even remotely close to our lane. My arms where on fire and i couldnt see straight. The boys on the other hand where not affected. They loked like they could go for weeks and not be tired.
This isnt the first time I've hung out with ADHDs. No, in fact all 4 boyfriends I've had in my short love life have all been italian ADHDs. I used to be able to keep up with them but lately I've been feeling the strain of not having a normal sleep scheduel. I wonder if i would stil feel like this if i had different friend and normal boyfriends.
If only I could turn back time...
Monday, February 25, 2008
"Hanging by a moment..."
And living on a prayer...
Currently I am:
Feeling: pleasantly happy
Listening to: my key board a-clickin'
Tasting: nothing
Located in:bed
This has been an interesting weekend. I spent most of yesterday with my friend Steven. We went onto the base and bought cigaretts. Decided we wanted to go see Sweeny Todd at 4:45. It was around 2:30 when we decided this. I drove back into town and he directed me to his uncle's house. Uncle wasn't home so we went back to my house and messed around online. Got back to the movies at 4:30 and sat in the theater "people watching". We got about 20 mins into the movie, decided it sucked and drove back to my house to pick up my sister to go out to dinner. After dinner I dropped Steve off at his house and went home. Went online trying to hold an IM conversation with T(the one whose chipping away at the walls i put up to protect my heart). I got board and logged off. I fell asleep for two hours befor T decided to call me at 2AM and pay attention to me. Talked for a little while then did our 5 minute goodbye. Yes I know. The Jaded One is sooooooo falling into the gooey relationship feelings about this one.
Today I went to church and drank lots of free coffee. Came home and sorted through all the stuff my mom bought us while she was in Nashville. I couldn't eat diner because my stomach was in knots. Bratwurst and onions arent exactly a soothing stomach method.
And here I sit at 2AM again wishing I could telepathicly blow up T's PS3.
Currently I am:
Feeling: pleasantly happy
Listening to: my key board a-clickin'
Tasting: nothing
Located in:bed
This has been an interesting weekend. I spent most of yesterday with my friend Steven. We went onto the base and bought cigaretts. Decided we wanted to go see Sweeny Todd at 4:45. It was around 2:30 when we decided this. I drove back into town and he directed me to his uncle's house. Uncle wasn't home so we went back to my house and messed around online. Got back to the movies at 4:30 and sat in the theater "people watching". We got about 20 mins into the movie, decided it sucked and drove back to my house to pick up my sister to go out to dinner. After dinner I dropped Steve off at his house and went home. Went online trying to hold an IM conversation with T(the one whose chipping away at the walls i put up to protect my heart). I got board and logged off. I fell asleep for two hours befor T decided to call me at 2AM and pay attention to me. Talked for a little while then did our 5 minute goodbye. Yes I know. The Jaded One is sooooooo falling into the gooey relationship feelings about this one.
Today I went to church and drank lots of free coffee. Came home and sorted through all the stuff my mom bought us while she was in Nashville. I couldn't eat diner because my stomach was in knots. Bratwurst and onions arent exactly a soothing stomach method.
And here I sit at 2AM again wishing I could telepathicly blow up T's PS3.
Friday, February 22, 2008
My head hurts
Got that kind of headache that makes your head throb.
Currently I am:
Feeling:like beating my head in with a rock
Listening to: the swishing of my water bottle
Tasting: shot of jack with a coca cola chaser
Located in: bed
So not a whole lot of interesting stuff going on with me personally. However there seems to be a ton of stuff going on with those around me. For instance my mom has been in Nashville all week this week and it seems like she hasn't even left. She calls very frequently with greetings and various comments and questions about stuff she's purchased us. I really just glad she made it down there at all. She forgot her wallet in her car on tuesday morning after waiting 45 minutes in line. She had to then take the bus back to her car to get her wallet, ride back and wait in line another 45 minutes. She ended up missing her original flight by 2 minutes. The flight she took after put her in Charlotte, North Carolina when her original layover was in Washington D.C. She did eventually make it to Nashville and miraculousy so did her bags. Which is good because she had an entire suit case full of Tea Tree Shampoo for her friend she was going to see. I just hope she doesnt do the same thing coming home tomorrow.
My Uncle Dan is in the hospital with an infection in his hand. He had a scab that, like most guys, he picked off. The next day at work he had on rubber gloves that irratated the picked off scab and made his hand swell up as if he was reacting to the latex. He went to the hospital and the doctor told him he was having some sort of reaction. The doctor then discovers he has very high blood pressure. We're talking like walking heart attack. This is all from him picking a scab.
I guess mom's right when she says dont pick it!!!
Currently I am:
Feeling:like beating my head in with a rock
Listening to: the swishing of my water bottle
Tasting: shot of jack with a coca cola chaser
Located in: bed
So not a whole lot of interesting stuff going on with me personally. However there seems to be a ton of stuff going on with those around me. For instance my mom has been in Nashville all week this week and it seems like she hasn't even left. She calls very frequently with greetings and various comments and questions about stuff she's purchased us. I really just glad she made it down there at all. She forgot her wallet in her car on tuesday morning after waiting 45 minutes in line. She had to then take the bus back to her car to get her wallet, ride back and wait in line another 45 minutes. She ended up missing her original flight by 2 minutes. The flight she took after put her in Charlotte, North Carolina when her original layover was in Washington D.C. She did eventually make it to Nashville and miraculousy so did her bags. Which is good because she had an entire suit case full of Tea Tree Shampoo for her friend she was going to see. I just hope she doesnt do the same thing coming home tomorrow.
My Uncle Dan is in the hospital with an infection in his hand. He had a scab that, like most guys, he picked off. The next day at work he had on rubber gloves that irratated the picked off scab and made his hand swell up as if he was reacting to the latex. He went to the hospital and the doctor told him he was having some sort of reaction. The doctor then discovers he has very high blood pressure. We're talking like walking heart attack. This is all from him picking a scab.
I guess mom's right when she says dont pick it!!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
"Love me, love me, say that you love me..."
EMERGENCY!!!! MY BITTER DISPOSITION MAY BE IN JEOPERDY!!!
Currently I am:
Feeling:conflicted
Listening to: my sniffling nose
Tasting:bubble gum mouth wash(im really just a 6 year old in a 20 year olds body)
Located in: bed
Have finally decided to go with abortion for my English research paper. Severly cliche i would expect but alas my brain isnt working.
Yes the bitterness of me and this blog(that no one reads) is in jeoperdy!!! I have met someone who has the potential to become a boyfriend. His name is T and he's very sweet. I actually smile since having met him. This creates quite a conflict inside me. Here I am this bitter 20 year old. I've spent alot of time working on my bitter and cynical attitude. Making it clear to anyone that knows me that if they even so much as hint that i would be happier with a boyfriend they will need to dodge various odjects that have suddenly gained the ability to fly. I've put up walls to protect my heart and feelings, been looking out for myself. I've run away from things that I think will hurt me. All to make sure I dont get hurt. Now I meet some one and im starting to see just the tiniest of cracks in my walls. I put up patches to try and keep it all together. Keeping him at an arms length is hard when his hugs are so nice.
*dreamy sigh*
Currently I am:
Feeling:conflicted
Listening to: my sniffling nose
Tasting:bubble gum mouth wash(im really just a 6 year old in a 20 year olds body)
Located in: bed
Have finally decided to go with abortion for my English research paper. Severly cliche i would expect but alas my brain isnt working.
Yes the bitterness of me and this blog(that no one reads) is in jeoperdy!!! I have met someone who has the potential to become a boyfriend. His name is T and he's very sweet. I actually smile since having met him. This creates quite a conflict inside me. Here I am this bitter 20 year old. I've spent alot of time working on my bitter and cynical attitude. Making it clear to anyone that knows me that if they even so much as hint that i would be happier with a boyfriend they will need to dodge various odjects that have suddenly gained the ability to fly. I've put up walls to protect my heart and feelings, been looking out for myself. I've run away from things that I think will hurt me. All to make sure I dont get hurt. Now I meet some one and im starting to see just the tiniest of cracks in my walls. I put up patches to try and keep it all together. Keeping him at an arms length is hard when his hugs are so nice.
*dreamy sigh*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
