"I can see for miles and miles..."

I scare my self sometimes.

Currently:
Feeling: sleepy
Listening: nothing
Tasting: (once again) bubble gum mouth wash
Located: STILL sinking mattress

I seriously believe if you think of something hard enough you can will it to happen. Yesterday at work I was talking about my friend Steven still being missing and not even five minutes later his mom calls to check in see if I've heard from him. Then later on as I'm leaving work and wondering if he's OK he calls and tells me he's coming home and wants to hang out(don't get to excited he's as gay as they come). I go to his place and we make a cigarette run then come back and make dinner. Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup SO tasty. Turns out he ended up in the hospital from not eating much for almost a week. I guess he broke it off with his now ex-fiance Justin at the hospital and decided to go home.

I'm feeling better about the E incident. Despite my better judgment I still have feelings. I had a few realizations about that afternoon. That was the first time I wasn't freaking out about my body. I didn't care about my stretchmarks or lumpy thighs. The fact that I hadn't shaved my legs in a week didn't come into my mind(i did have knee high socks on though). I also realized upon seeing where he lived and what kind of house he had that I would never fit in if I were to meet the rest of his family. He lives in a very nice 'hood in a very nice house full of very nice things. I live in a house half the size with twice as many people in it in a crappy 'hood. His room is the polar opposite of mine. He's very neat and tidy, everything is organized and clean. My room in chaotic. Clothes and shoes and junk everywhere. Walls painted teal with purple and pink stripes, squiggles, and stars. He's got smart guy stuff on his book shelves. Computer program manuals and the like. I still cant find my bookshelves.

I guess all I can do is wish him luck...*sigh*